I’m at peace when there are few humans around me. When I’m experiencing the sheer beauty and vastness of the scene before me and it’s just me and the world – a silent yet devastatingly expressive entity. I revel in my existence and my freedom, and feel truly, deeply grateful for being there to witness such a moment.
I recently rediscovered suminagashi, a Japanese paper marbling art, after 20 years.
When I was around ten years old, we had a suminagashi activity in my classroom. I remember quite enjoying the process of playing with dyes, swirling them around in water, and capturing a cool snapshot of that movement.
I made a couple of creations, and took them home at the end of the day. I tucked them somewhere in the back of a folder…and there they stayed – for two decades.
Until I found them recently, still in great condition! I marvelled at how pretty they were. I decided to frame them both, and now they hang in my apartment as wonderfully modern art pieces that I created as a child!
I’ve decided to revisit suminagashi, and rekindle that creative spark!
I purchased this marbling kit, which I will experiment with in the coming weeks. So watch this space!
i can sing better than any nightingale
but because of
this city’s freaks
i seal my lips
while my heart weeps
yesterday the wisest man
holding a lit lantern
was searching around town saying
i am tired of
all these beasts and brutes
a true human
we have all looked
for one but
no one could be found
yes he replied
but my search is
for the one
who cannot be found
You don’t actually need a great deal of positive stimulation to be happy. There is peace and fulfilment in silence and quiet dedication. But what about hard work? Where does that fit in? Well, it’s true that stimulating work doesn’t feel like work. But many of us are stuck in unstimulating jobs that simply tire us out. That leads us to the ‘hamster wheel’ feeling that I myself experience – an endless cycle of earning and spending money, with positive stimulation as the only relief. So…what is the solution? How do we reconcile stimulation with happiness and financial security?
My answer would be that the solution is different for everyone. This is because what you value personally and the places from which you derive the most stimulation vary from person to person. For example, someone that derives the most positive stimulation from family would be comfortable with forgoing a super successful career with a large salary. However, someone that’s addicted to success and overcoming obstacles and challenges may do well in a high-powered job.
For successful entrepreneurs to write books about their journeys is a bit misguided – or at least the readers might be – because what the writer is doing is describing a very unique set of wants and needs, and offering it to readers as the ‘successful’ foundation. In reality, it was only successful for that particular person in that situation at that point in time. The only benefit from this kind of book would come from offering examples of challenges along with effective solutions. To say, “I want to be like so and so” is doing a disservice to oneself. That person could have wildly different priorities in life. They might have arrived at the same destination, but their ‘life pie’ (if you divide priorities into a pie chart) could be very different. So when you see people in the position that you aspire to hold one day, it’s worth getting to know them and learning about their life pie to see if it matches yours. I guess that’s why we tend to connect with people who share the same attitude to life – because their priorities match ours. Their life pies are more or less similar. It’s why searching for mentors and friends with similar goals is more important than looking up to people in higher positions with potentially different experiences and priorities. We often unwittingly spend our lives looking for people with matching pies, in our friendships and romantic relationships. Bringing your life pie into your consciousness can set you up for wonderful things.
I think the fact that research is so boring to most people is the reason why researchers themselves are not regarded as universally interesting or popular people. Their output only caters to a bunch of nerds that seem to get off on the same topic. Which is why their only source of entertainment is conferences. Research is behind the scenes stuff. Our world has improved phenomenally thanks to scientific research, but Nobel Prize winners and other prominent researchers are not popular figures because they simply don’t elicit that kind of hair-raising, laugh out loud, visceral emotion. When the average person hears about research, the reaction is something like, “Cool. Thanks”.
I think back to this lecture by Professor Brian Cox on how the universe works. I found it interesting – but why? At the time, I thought it was his public speaking skills that made the difference. He was able to simplify very complex topics and make them relatable to laypeople. But now I wonder – was there something more to it? Did I like the lecture not because of the way he delivered the speech, but because of the way I felt? Is relatable learning a form of positive stimulation?
When you can connect the dots and learn something new, that’s a good feeling. Not as good as comedy or sport, but it still registers as stimulation. Lack of learning stimulation explains why kids disengage from school when it isn’t making sense to them. Instead, they seek stimulation from other, less academically productive sources like games or friends. To be honest, it’s what I did also, to an extent. And now that I think about it, most of the positive stimulation I derived from studying for all these years came from the pleasure of fast comprehension. It can explain why I sometimes feel down about the PhD – because I’m no longer at the top of my game when it comes to learning. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall, and it’s the most demotivating feeling. That’s why so many of us procrastinate – because we don’t want to be in a state of negative stupor. We naturally seek out those activities that make us feel good, and like we’re working towards something positive. So while this Wait But Why post on procrastination is very relevant to me, I can also add that my willingness to stick at a task and achieve a state of flow is related to my mental capacity to exist without positive stimulation for more than a few minutes.
Perhaps the lesson I can take away from this is that the difference between persistent people and procrastinators is that persistent people are better prepared to withstand long periods without even the smallest pieces of positive stimulation to sustain them, in the knowledge that their sacrifice will gain them ultimate positive stimulation in the long run. No pain, no gain. The weak ones break the diet regime and reach for the pizza; the strong ones suffer in the short term, even if that short term can last for years. It’s like the two marshmallow experiment about delayed gratification.
It is an important realisation to understand that a PhD is naturally not as stimulating due to its inherent nature (some people find it highly stimulating, but that’s because they’re passionate about the topic itself). In my case, I think I was more attracted to the high I derived from academic achievement. Other highs, like writing and listening to music, were merely hobbies. A career in those fields was out of the question. I guess over time, things changed for me. I began to develop and grow in other fields. I derived more and more positive stimulation from activities that were deemed financially unproductive. As I began to enjoy those activities more and more, I guess I liked research slightly less, particularly in the second half of my PhD. To add to my woes, emotional trauma halfway through my studies severely reduced my tolerance for negative stimulation. It fuelled my craving for good feelings. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing – after such a horrible upset, positive stimulation is the best medicine – but now, as I consider myself mostly recovered and now find research fascinating and fulfilling, it is time to wean myself off this drug. Because that’s what it is – an addictive drug. When you look at poor people living in developing countries, you can see that they have never experienced the high doses of stimulation to which we in the Western world are accustomed. As a result, they live with less and are actually happy with less. The same goes for previous generations. This brings us to the existing movements around minimalism and mindfulness. These concepts teach us to derive pleasure and stimulation from simpler things. It’s all about reducing the dose of drug that takes us on a rollercoaster of emotions, and learning to stay calm and conscious of our individual goals. Positive stimulation is something like a legal drug that drives the entire world. Whoa.
I had a thought the other day about what makes people beloved, successful or popular on any scale. I think the answer is positive stimulation. Think about it; our lives would be dull as heck if we didn’t engage in activities that make us feel they are worth living. That’s why we enjoy entertainment in all forms, and love those that entertain us. Of course, stimulation can be negative also, but even experiencing the bad times can help us appreciate the good. I think it is possible to become very popular over time if you become a supplier of positive stimulation.
Nurses are loved by the public because they bring light to a dark situation. Entertainers and sportspeople trigger feelings of excitement and release. A good friend or partner is regarded as someone that uplifts you and/or makes you laugh. Another interesting group is models. Fundamentally, they provide positive stimulation by allowing us to derive pleasure from their beauty. It’s like they’re walking works of art. But because they are also human, many of us seem incapable of mentally separating ourselves from them. We are sold the idea that we too can become similar works of art if we buy certain products. And that is simply not true. Human-driven art can be dangerous for this reason. Additionally, in this age of breaking down role definitions and stereotypes, we will ourselves to believe that we can be anyone and do anything. But I think we need to apply some limits here, or at least wait until the concept of art is redefined with general consensus before diving head first into a career that will belly flop because you simply don’t look the part, and won’t for some time. Of course, there are pioneers that clear the way – ethnically diverse lead actors and larger models – but I think what they are doing is providing a new kind of positive stimulation to growing audiences with increasing market power. At the end of the day, what we see in pop culture at this moment in time is what makes good business. So these pioneers have tapped in to a growing market. They are not social activists in my opinion (as much as they may purport to be) – they are actually shrewd businesspeople seizing opportunities. They offer a new brand of positive stimulation that connects more readily with certain groups of people. For example, when it comes to ethnic diversity on television, people of colour such as myself were deriving plenty of positive stimulation from ethnically homogeneous shows like Seinfeld. It’s just that with ‘ground breaking’ shows like Master of None, we are experiencing a new and exhilarating variety of positive stimulation. It resonates particularly with the ethnically diverse, but it is also refreshing for those who are not. And that is why traditionally unpopular faces have suddenly become so bankable. It’s not about social change and representation – all you have to do is follow the money.
On a related note, when you think about positive stimulation as a resource, social media activity can be appraised in a new light. Take the attention-seeking people that post mundane things or show themselves off. It’s about attracting attention for the purposes of validation, approval, and an appeal to the most basic of human needs – to feel wanted and loved. It is essentially a request for the ultimate form of positive stimulation. It’s emotional fuel; it’s what keeps us going. And these kinds of posts signify a deep hunger that calls for refuelling through donations of positive stimulation. Unfortunately, many of these ‘emotionally needy’ aren’t in the business of giving back, and if they do, it is not a fair trade. Thankfully, there are others that don’t publicly solicit positive stimulation, but by providing it to others, they receive it in turn. This creates a wonderful cycle of giving and receiving. And it’s what we should all aim for. After all, you wouldn’t accept presents without giving some too! The same attitude applies for emotional gifts.
Anyway, that’s my theory: people in the business of giving positive stimulation do well, because let’s face it, that’s what we’re all ultimately looking for. It makes us feel like life has some meaning and that it’s worth living. It can be in the form of good food, fun exercise, an emotive movie, shopping, socialising, or watching entertainers and sports. And some lucky people can actually derive positive stimulation from work, which may explain ‘workaholicism’ in some. It’s basically the old cliché about loving what you do expressed in a different way. I don’t think this cliché is the best way to state life’s aim, because it places a burden on individuals to 1) have the capacity and/or will to love something so fiercely and 2) dedicate their lives to it with abandon. I am one of those individuals that have felt the pressure and even a degree of guilt when I haven’t loved my work most of the time. It’s as if I’m incapable of love; lost and unhappy. But I don’t think that’s true. There are many things I enjoy, but I don’t think I could make a career out of any of them without becoming skilled in the craft first, potentially losing my identity and financial security in the process. This path is possible in the aspirational sense, but unlikely in the practical. As Elizabeth Gilbert said in her book Big Magic, it is foolish to give up your day job in pursuit of a distant creative dream, but at the same time it is important to remain in tune with what stimulates you, and cultivate your craft passionately and naturally without the burden of financial expectation.
Facebook and other forms of social media are all about networking – we advertise what we are up to in an attempt to link with like-minded people. The Twitter and Instagram platforms use hashtags to do so; in the Facebook world, the fact that you usually have to be a ‘friend’ of a person to view their content is the commonality you share. Facebook, as a result, potentially exposes you to diverse material, because your friends and acquaintances will probably have varied interests (unless you belong to a cult). These interests are more diverse than the Twitter or Instagram feeds to which one subscribes. Also,when it comes to range of content, news channels are a great source.
Facebook is an online local community – it’s a way of keeping in touch en masse. And that’s great, because it would otherwise take far too long to do so otherwise, and besides, the most unlikely of partnerships and networks can blossom in ways that would never have been possible offline. So it’s important to read news feeds as a way of staying connected. Online social networking builds (yes, builds) social skills and capacity, facilitates teamwork and enhances one’s sense of community. My offline world is different from my online world, as it should be. And I feel that in the information age, one cannot (and should not) exist without the other.
I was invited to attend a rather novel charity ball on Friday the 29th of August, organised by Merissa Mathew of Makeup Free Me, and supported by the Butterfly Foundation, which assists sufferers of eating disorders and their loved ones. Makeup Free Me is about women rediscovering who they are underneath all the layers of makeup applied whenever they go out and face the world. It’s about removing that veneer behind which many of us hide, and without which we often feel vulnerable and weakened. It reminds us that despite what society and media portrays, there is so much more to a woman than her physical appearance. The Makeup Free Me ball was an all-female event. Unsurprisingly, we were asked to attend makeup-free. It was interesting to see later in the evening with a show of hands how anxious most of the ladies felt about that!
Upon arrival, we were provided with a pretty, golden masquerade mask. Once we got our masks tied on, adjusted and readjusted, we were ready to begin. It was a gorgeous, clear evening. Our venue, River’s Edge, provided us spectacular views over the Yarra River, with a balcony and windows from floor to ceiling. There were lollies, canapés, drinks, a photo booth, a DJ, and most importantly, heartfelt speeches about the charity and its origins. The stats were shocking and the message clear; body image is a serious problem among women of all ages. It’s important to shed light on the issue and build a culture based on performance and not appearance. There are broad and fundamental societal issues to be dealt with, yet we can all play our part by being conscious of the way we perceive and interact with the females in our lives, and the females of the world.
Makeup really is like a mask, Merissa pointed out. A mask that women often use to conceal their identities and blend in with the ‘norm’. So she asked us all to take off our masks, and celebrate our individuality, which we wholeheartedly did. Personally, I’m quite comfortable with my appearance; I’m just as happy dressed up as I am looking like a wild-haired zombie after a Sunday sleep-in. But celebrating a girls’ night out with friends old and new made me more at ease than ever. I didn’t have to worry about looking neat/nice/respectable (though I do believe that a true lady should keep it classy at all times, haha); I didn’t have to worry about leaving my purse on a chair as I walked on to the dance floor. I even left my drinks unattended for most of the night! It made me realise how guarded we usually are in public, because we have little choice. Best of all was the happiness when I realised I could go to bed without having to take off my face at the end of the night! Little pleasures 🙂
Makeup Free Me is a great cause, so I encourage you to get behind it and donate. By asking females to forget about makeup for a change, it lifts an often heavy burden and frees us to change the world in a big way 🙂